Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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