Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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