oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
