Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
