it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
4 words: hood of his car
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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