So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's the barista slut.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
