I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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