So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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