Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
