you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
