I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
