remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
