I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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