Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
