I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im drinking this country out of the recession.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
