You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
