look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
