1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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