We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
