Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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