ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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