I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
