I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
