I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
