my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
