I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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