Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
