Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
