I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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