I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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