Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
