Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize