You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
