so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
