I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
