Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
