When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
