dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
