What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
