pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
