you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
