theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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