My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
