i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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