I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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