Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
