so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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