I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
