if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
