i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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