what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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