some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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