I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
