Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
