how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
