Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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