do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Enjoy the penises
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
