Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i wish my penis had a tongue
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
