I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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