dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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