It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
