the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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