omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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