Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
