FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The uberlube is also flammable
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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