Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
