you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
