i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
