At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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