So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
