Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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