fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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