Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
