Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
