I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
do herpes really smell.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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