so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
