I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
