i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize