I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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