I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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