watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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