Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
