ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
