Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
