How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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