i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
