I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
