It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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