Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
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