Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.