I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC