she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Dating After Heartbreak
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP