We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and she was petting her beer can
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.