youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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