Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great