I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
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