I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
