My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
